Trapped in a home office or home quarantine with little opportunity to get out of each other's way? That's when things can get messy. Reconciliation after a quarrel is more important now than ever before. Here's how to do it right!
Even the best relationships have their moments of conflict.
Sooner or later, arguments put every partnership to the test.
But that is absolutely no reason for shame and anything but bad.
Whether a relationship lasts or not usually depends not on the harmonious times. It depends on the times of crisis. And it happens to every couple sooner or later.
It is important that as a couple you learn from your quarrels. A very big step for this is the right reconciliation after the quarrel.
We'll show you how to properly reconcile with your partner. So you can soon look forward happily again!
Table of contents
- Why relaxation is crucial for reconciliation after the quarrel
- Why you should find out the reason for the quarrel
- How stubbornness prevents reconciliation after the quarrel
- Why both must be ready for reconciliation
- Why you need to admit your mistakes
- Why you should celebrate reconciliation after the quarrel
What you need to know: Disagreements are part of everyday life. If you now suddenly have to get along in a small space, friction will be unavoidable.
But what can be controlled is the way you deal with it. And that's exactly what this article is intended to help you with.
If you argue like this, you are doing everything right!
Why relaxation is crucial for reconciliation after the quarrel
Emotions are boiling, the mood is subdued and you would like to be miles away right now.
If we feel attacked or badly treated, the body goes into a state of alarm. We literally see red and put ourselves in the center.
Reacting calmly or even thinking about the well-being of our partner seems impossible now.
Both body and mind are in a fighting mood and would do anything to win. The primal man in us comes through again, so to speak. :)
During the quarrel, our brain releases messenger substances that make us even more aggressive and belligerent.
Do you know it? Not very conducive to reconciliation after the quarrel.
Tip 1: Get distance and cool down emotions
Now you must first succeed in calming down and gaining distance. The aggressive hormones must first be reduced.
Relax after the quarrel
- through a walk
- by calling a friend
- when you put on your favorite music
- with a cup of coffee or tea
- through conscious and deep inhalation and exhalation
A bath, a run, meditation or other can also help. Find the best method for you.
There may be couples who immediately find each other again right after the biggest quarrel. But that is a very big exception. Most of the time we are too hurt, angry and disappointed to see things clearly.
Try these relaxation exercises and you'll chill right out!
Why you should find out the reason for the quarrel
You should use the walk after the quarrel to find out why there was such a big fight.
Does the toothpaste tube really annoy you that much? Or is it the feeling that he doesn't help you enough around the house?
The cause of the dispute usually lies much deeper. The toothpaste is only the trigger.
Tip 2: Find the trigger
What just got you so fired up?
Only those who know the reason can deal with the situation differently in the future.
Financial worries or stress at work are often the triggers.
How stubbornness prevents reconciliation after the quarrel
So for reconciliation after the quarrel, it is important that we all calm down for a change. Suddenly, you may see the problem from other perspectives.
But if we are still very angry, silence often follows. Total radio silence and transmission pause.
Both wait for the other to make the next move. That this in turn ends in an argument is predictable.
Why is that?
Unfortunately, we often believe that reaching out to the other person is a sign of weakness. After all, whoever gives in first is in the wrong and thus admits it. Or is it?
Complete nonsense!
It is not the weak who take the first step, but the courageous.
Stubbornness is not going to get anyone anywhere now.
Am I incapable of relationship?
Tip 3: Approach your partner
If reconciliation after the quarrel is the goal, then it is not about who is right or wrong. It is now a matter of restoring peace together.
Here's how
- Go to your partner
- Look into his eyes and speak calmly
- Accept if he needs more time
- Do not start the discussion again
- Refrain from justifications, accusations, defense and explanations of any kind
Is he approaching you but you don't feel ready? Try, "Thank you for approaching me, but I needed another moment to myself."
By the way, you can also agree with your partner. This helps especially if you have a particularly stubborn model sitting in front of you. At least partially agreeing helps to smooth the waters.
I'm sure there's one or two points you can agree with. Sentences like "Yes, you're right. That's right. I see it the same way." are exactly right here.
That's what it means when you cheat in a dream!
Why both must be ready for reconciliation
You are ready to finally bury the argument. Very good. But that doesn't mean it's the same with your partner.
Do you approach him and notice that he is still in a discussion mood? It could happen that the argument starts all over again now.
Tip 4: Don't let a new argument arise
But don't get dragged into it.
So when he starts rehashing everything again, you can counter with these sentences
- We must accept that we disagree here
- Honey, it's fine with me if we leave it
- Let's tick it off. We both didn't react well.
The goal of reconciliation after the argument must not be for your partner to apologize to you. The goal must be that you both feel better.
You must not make personal statements during the debate. Try to stay on a factual level. Listening and accepting are the solution.
Tip 5: Give him time for reconciliation after the quarrel
You are ready for reconciliation after the quarrel? Your partner is not? Or vice versa? As different as we argue in disputes, as big is the difference in reconciliation.
It takes different amounts of time until we are ready to get along again.
Retreat is good for now and mega important.
Offer him reconciliation, but give him time.
Do not push under any circumstances. There is no point.
Why you need to admit your mistakes
Reconciliation comes from forgiveness. The one who reconciles tries to understand the other and accept a different opinion.
For that, you must give up all thoughts of punishment and revenge. That has no place in the here and now.
Right when you were arguing, you probably didn't realize that you had made a mistake. After all, you are right!
But everyone makes mistakes. After all, a dispute always involves two people.
It is not easy to admit a mistake. But it is very important that we take responsibility for our actions.
This helps to relieve tension. So don't look for faults in his behavior, but start with yours first.
If everyone admits their wrongdoing, then nothing stands in the way of reconciliation after the dispute.
Tip 6: Use sentences like
- I am sorry that
- Yes, it was a mistake that I
- It would have been better if
All these sentences help you to look for the mistakes first with yourselves.
Just because you made a mistake does not make you a flawed person. You simply behaved wrongly in a certain situation.
As the saying goes. Insight is the best way to get better.
That's how you know your relationship is on the rocks!
Tip 7: Correct your mistakes
In a quiet conversation, your partner will bring up one or two things that you don't like. But you should take the criticism seriously.
Often in a moment we don't mean something the way it comes across.
Think about how you can implement the changes.
A typical frequent point of contention is the opened toothpaste tube. Do you like to leave it open? Then just close it from now on. It doesn't hurt anyone and can save a lot of trouble.
If each of you starts to correct your mistakes, you will have to worry less about reconciliation after the quarrel in the future. You get rid of conflicts in advance.
Why you should celebrate reconciliation after the quarrel
Okay, celebrating sounds like a party for now. That is certainly an exaggeration. But it is important that you gather positive moments again after the quarrels. And not next month, but quickly.
You will certainly argue more often. Therefore, it is best to find a ritual that you perform after disagreements are out of the way.
Tip 8: Confirm your love
Even after reconciliation, not everything is immediately forgotten and good. We were hurt, now it just takes a while. Even what has been said cannot be made unforgettable.
Tell your partner now that they are important to you.
- I love you and I don't want to fight anymore
- I want us both to feel good again
- I want you to feel good with me
Remember together why you are together. Collect beautiful moments right now. You were arguing in the apartment? Leave it and go out for a cup of coffee or a nice dinner.
Even a concert or something you've been putting off for a long time can help you get happy again quickly.
By the way, off to bed. During lovemaking, bonding hormones are released :) This creates security and familiarity.
Freshen up your long-term relationship easily!
Our conclusion
If you are aiming for reconciliation after the quarrel, you first need to calm down a bit. Take and give your time and try to talk things out objectively. Once the crisis is over, do something nice together to gather new and positive experiences together.
You can do it! :)
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