Being shy means that you feel embarrassed and very uncomfortable in front of others. If you feel the same way and can't think of anything other than "I'm shy and I'll never make it!", then you've come to the right place!
OMG I can't just talk to him/her. What will he/she say? What do I do then? Help, I am shy and just can't get over myself.
Fortunately, if you're shy and fed up, there are things you can do about it.
The cause is often due to low self-esteem and lack of social skills. You can work on both and thus overcome your shyness.
How this works best, I would like to show you today.
The sentence "I'm shy and don't dare because I'll make a fool of myself" is thus step by step a thing of the past.
Table of contents
How to define shyness
But let's first define what it means to be shy. Because only if we talk about the same, tips against shyness can help.
I am shy when
- I don't dare approach a stranger, like a waiter in a restaurant or a saleswoman in a supermarket.
- find it uncomfortable to say something in a meeting even though I have constructive things to contribute.
- find it very difficult to look other people in the eye when speaking.
- feel uncomfortable as soon as I am the center of attention.
- Panic at the thought of having to say something in front of other people.
- constantly catch myself thinking what others might think of me.
- red in the face and want to sink into the ground as soon as someone speaks to me.
Shyness is the fear of being judged badly and condemned by others. Everyone is a little shy, in some it is slightly pronounced and in others more so.
Often, the cause of pronounced shyness is that those affected lack the practice to deal with such situations. No master falls from the sky.
We learn how to make small talk, engage with others, start a conversation and similar things in our childhood. But if we have little practice here and not so many role models, then we find such situations very difficult later on.
Whatever the reason, the important thing is that you know it's not futile. You can learn all these social behaviors.
There is an extreme form of shyness. It is called social phobia. Those affected avoid all contact with strangers. Many do not dare to leave the house and withdraw completely.
This post is for anyone who wants to overcome their mild shyness. A social phobia should definitely be treated with a therapist - even the best tips won't help.
Strengthen your self-love with these 13 tips!
Why shy people have a hard time
Our society is success-oriented, open and fast-moving. Reserved, quiet and withdrawn people find it difficult to keep up.
This can lead to the fact that one does not dare to address the dream partner. Or you may be at a standstill in your job, even though you have a lot more to give.
Of course, this brings with it a whole load of disadvantages.
Let's look at it positively: Shyness is not a trait that is set in stone. You can work on it with simple tricks and learn to come out of your shell better.
Shy people can become confident and open personalities through specific exercises and training. Or in other words: Being shy is not a destiny, but something you can grow out of.
But that doesn't mean you have to change your personality completely. You can stay the way you are, because you are perfect the way you are. You just get a little upgrade called self-confidence. :)
Let's work on it and bring you one step further towards self-confidence. However, you should know that you won't become a mega confident person overnight. It's a process that you have to work on.
Why it is important that you learn to accept your shyness
Step 1: I'm shy and that's okay!
The first step to improvement is to accept the actual state. Then it is just the way it is: I am shy and that is perfectly okay.
Don't be embarrassed. You are not alone - even if you have the feeling. Around 10 % of all people in Germany are shy or have social anxiety. That's around 8 million people out of a population of 80 million!
Most people learn to grow beyond this state in the course of their lives. And you will also succeed. Always keep that firmly in mind!
If you have the feeling that you are a bad or inferior person because of your embarrassing reticence, then banish these thoughts very quickly. Don't let your feelings lead you astray. You are great and you just have to learn to show it!
If you don't accept your shyness, you'll make your life even harder than it already is. Keep in mind that you are working on it and tackling the problem head on - and be proud of it.
Don't fight being shy, it only makes it much worse and you feel bad. We all try fighting at first, but that rarely gets us anywhere. Acceptance is therefore the first step, because you suddenly free up a lot of energy that you previously used to fight it.
Old behaviors and patterns are there to be changed and retrained. From now on it goes uphill!
Try these 8 tips to become more confident!
How to control your thoughts and become more confident
Shy people tend to think through every situation a thousand times. The result: thousands of possible solutions for situations that haven't even occurred yet. And all of them end up in your head with how you failed.
Step 2: Question your thoughts
Our thoughts can give us strength, they can strengthen us, build us up and drive us forward. But they can also have the opposite effect.
As a shy person, you may know these thoughts
- What if they laugh at me?
- What happens if they ask me a question and I don't have an answer?
- I hope I'm not doing anything wrong.
- What should I answer if something is unclear?
- OMG, what do I do if I forget the text?
- I don't want to embarrass myself or act stupid.
- What if he/she doesn't like me?
The list could go on forever. Those who are shy regularly have such shy thoughts. They cause us to panic internally. Often it is because withdrawn people feel themselves inferior.
You have the feeling that everyone is just waiting for a mistake to happen. This leads to underestimating your own importance on the one hand and overestimating it on the other.
What you can do there? Practice mindfulness yourself!
Become aware of your thoughts. Take the role of a silent observer when you are with other people.
I'm shy, I can't do this! Is your head full of insecure thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable right now? The point now is to consciously notice these thoughts and tell yourself that they are not true.
Try to erase, relativize and soften the thoughts.
Basically, it's about taking thoughts that are making your life difficult and clearing them with yourself. Replace the timid thoughts with new, positive and better ideas.
However, training once does not help. You have to question your thought processes more often. Your thoughts will lose power and strength. You become stronger, more self-confident and more relaxed.
Would you like two small examples?
Hopefully he/she does not address me
Yes and if, then it does not matter. Then I just say hello and a few nice words. If necessary, I stutter a little embarrassed. Most people find that very congenial.
It doesn't matter if I can't think of anything. I just answer with, "Oh, you asked me too quickly." And if it gets embarrassing, it doesn't matter. Afterwards, I can laugh about it myself and maybe we'll even laugh together.
What happens if he/she turns me down?
Yes, what then? Then I won't drop dead either. Life goes on, then I just find someone who really deserves me. What's the worst that can happen? A "no" doesn't hurt anyone.
And how do I actually know in advance that he doesn't like me? He's probably just waiting for me to make the first move. I won't die from it if it doesn't turn out the way I hope.
How human interactions get you where you want to go
The fact is: You can't do it without talking. If you want to be understood and heard, you have to be able to express yourself. And that works best with these exercises.
Step 3: Exercises with real people
I'm shy and never manage to say anything exciting about myself in the introductory round. Yes, I felt the same way at the beginning. But unfortunately you have to get through this and you will definitely make it!
Put on a smile, breathe deeply and think of 3 sentences. No matter what, you won't drop dead just because you have to say a few words.
If you want to become more confident in your interactions with others, the only thing that will help is practice. Your head and your whole body will learn over time that they don't have to go into stress mode.
Trembling, sweating, discomfort - these are all normal and will only subside with time. Learn that these feelings are okay and don't start overestimating them.
How does that work best? With complete strangers. Because then you can keep in mind that in the worst case you will never see them again. So it doesn't matter if you suddenly become very shy.
Start without pressure and with small tasks
Practice, practice and more practice is the motto. But you should never overtax yourself. Your goals should be so small that you can't fail. This strengthens your self-confidence and gives you the strength to continue.
How about this:
Ask a stranger on the street what time it is or where the nearest grocery store is. You can repeat this task more often. It will become easier each time you do it.
Do not hide
You know that feeling when shyness suddenly takes over? A really uneasy feeling. Your breathing quickens, your heart speeds up, your hands get cold. But instead of burying your head in the sand now, you should take a deep breath and face the situation.
If you take flight, the opposite happens: your shyness becomes even greater. Avoidance strategies reinforce your fear.
How about this:
Every day when you go to the office or a small store, say "hello," "bye," or "goodbye" out loud. You will see how positively people respond. You will be more confident every time.
Find an ally
This doesn't mean that you team up with someone who is as calm as you are. You need a role model. Someone who takes you by the hand a little and helps you to become braver.
Having an extrovert by your side makes it easier to engage in conversation with others and meet new people.
How about this:
Just ask a colleague how he/she is doing. Or what kind of work is going on at the moment. Maybe this person will soon be your partner in crime.
Go into the answers he/she gives you. Three good questions that almost always fit are:
- Really? How did that go from there?
- Wow, what did you do then?
- How could this happen?
Why sports help when your answer to everything is "I'm shy".
This is how sport makes you happy and strong!
Step 4: Find a sport you really like
You are a sport muffle? There is a sport for everyone that is really fun and works well. After all, the spectrum ranges from walking to extreme sports like bungee jumping :)
I'm sure you'll find something! Exercise - no matter what kind, has an enormous impact on our well-being and psyche.
Even if it may not feel like it as a beginner - your body releases happiness hormones. They push you and boost your self-confidence. At the same time, you reduce stress hormones that have a blocking effect.
And not only directly after the workout. Because after that you will feel more and more confirmed. You will succeed after time to do more push-ups, to walk further and faster or to climb higher.
Our conclusion
If you're tired of thinking "I'm shy, I'll never make it," there are four pillars you can start with. First, you need to accept the situation, then organize your thoughts, and finally, consciously practice social skills.
You can get rid of your shyness if you consciously work on it and don't fight the situation! All the best for you!
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