You like him so much. You would love to spend a lot of time with him, introduce him to your friends and already dream about joint activities. But he doesn't want a relationship.
He reacts dismissively. With statements like "I'm not sure" or "Actually, I love my freedom" and so on, he keeps stalling you. He doesn't want a relationship, he tells you.
Still, he checks in with you regularly.
You are devastated and no longer understand the world. You would like to cry all day long.
But it doesn't help. No matter how destroyed you are, it won't change the fact that he doesn't want anything permanent. Or is he getting your hopes up and stringing you along?
Now you have to be strong. There are several ways to deal with this situation and come out stronger.
We tell you what really helps and when you should keep your hands off this man.
Table of contents
- Why doesn't he want a relationship?
- He does not want a relationship - You can do that
- He can't decide - you can do it!
- He says he has no feelings, but behaves differently
- He does not want a relationship because of bad experiences
- He does not want a relationship because he can not decide
- Frequently asked questions and the solution
Why doesn't he want a relationship?
Some people are not looking for a permanent partnership. The reasons for this can be different. These are possible backgrounds.
He does not want a relationship because he
- enjoys the single life and likes to change partners,
- has not developed feelings of love for you,
- Has commitment anxiety,
- is afraid of disappointment,
- finds the timing bad right now,
- lack of confidence.
And many other reasons. Maybe when he was little, his parents fought all the time and he doesn't feel like it. Not infrequently, the cause of attachment anxiety lies hidden deep in the past.
He wants to enjoy his single life
If he tells you that he would like to stay and be single, then you have to accept that. Many men say outright that they don't want a relationship. Some are open to friendship plus.
Whether this is something for you, you have to know yourself. But if you are in love with him, your heart will surely be broken.
There are no feelings of love for you
Have you wondered how to get him to love you? It always works very well on TV, but not in real life. You can't force him, and you can't dictate his feelings.
You can court him in an unobtrusive way, but if he doesn't have feelings, I think you have to accept that.
He has commitment anxiety
Often, people with attachment anxiety do not even realize that they are suffering from it. In very many cases, a disturbed mother or father-child relationship is behind it. If he was overprotected or neglected as a child, he may not want to have a relationship.
He is subconsciously afraid of being constricted or disappointed. One sign of this is that he regularly contacts you, but when things get a bit more serious, he immediately withdraws.
The question now is: Is he ready to work on his attachment anxiety? Therapy can help him open up. If he is not ready for it, better let it go before you get really hurt.
Attachment anxiety is a mega Red Flag for menwhich can be recognized at first glance with a little experience!
He does not want a relationship for fear of disappointment
His last partnership was a disaster on a medium scale. So it's no wonder that he's damaged. He's afraid that he'll get involved with you and be disappointed again. Your crush feels like he can't get through this again. The last rejections are still too deep.
Did he tell you about it? Now you have to proceed with sensitivity. There's no point in exerting pressure, it will send him running.
You can't help him overcome his fear and let the hurts heal. He probably still needs time to digest the last relationship.
The timing is bad
Is he in the middle of a separation or even divorce? Or does he have enormously motivated career plans, is he moving to another city, or is he even in a relationship? There are many reasons for bad timing.
These circumstances can change over time. You can give him time and wait for him if he is worth it. However, it usually makes little sense to wait until external circumstances change.
He lacks confidence
He doesn't want a relationship because he has no confidence in himself? In order to love someone, you first have to accept and love yourself with all your might. If he is struggling with himself right now, he doesn't have a free head for a relationship with you.
Try to find out what the problem is and whether you can help him, if you have the strength to do so. However, it is not inevitable that there will be a happy ending for you.
He does not want a relationship - You can do that
You can't force anything and certainly not in love. If a man has no desire for couple activities, then you should let him go.
It won't help either of you if you keep getting your hopes up. Or even worse: if he keeps stalling you and thus blocks your chance for a real relationship.
He doesn't want a relationship with you? Then he has clearly had bad luck. Such a good match as you, he will not get so quickly! :)
Attention: This is what cheating in a dream really means!
Break off contact if he doesn't want a relationship
Don't be fooled. No matter how nice he is or how often he writes to you. He doesn't want a relationship, so he won't get one. You deserve better!
Don't expose yourself to unnecessary hopes that are then disappointed again. This will destroy you emotionally sooner or later. You will find it difficult to trust another man.
If you see him as more than just a normal friend, but he doesn't, pull the rip cord.
Turn him down and break off contact.
Delete his number, stop following him on Instagram, delete Facebook friendship and everything that reminds you of him.
This is very painful at the beginning. But only this will bring you back into balance emotionally.
He doesn't want a relationship with you, then it's his own fault. Let him feel that.
You're in love and now you need to get your Get a grip on heartbreak.
Put yourself in the center
It is anything but easy to distance yourself from someone you like. But that simply has to be now.
The best way to do that is to put yourself in the center. That feels sooo good.
Treat yourself to a short break. Just pack a good friend and go away together. How about wellness? Hiking or a city trip? Do whatever you feel like at the moment.
You can share this on Instagram and the like with a clear conscience. Let him see what he's missing right now. :)
This short trip should help you to find yourself again. And improve your mood. Just because he doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean you have to mope around. Sometimes all it takes is a simple girls night outto be in a better mood again.
He does not want a relationship - Flirt with others
There is nothing like flirting to revive a battered ego. A hot flirt boosts self-confidence, which is certainly somewhat affected.
A flirtation can be as little as a smile. Whether while shopping or to a guy who just strolls past you.
Or you can go one step further and go out with girlfriends. Here you can catch a guy and start a nice conversation. That's all it has to be. It shouldn't. You first have to come clean with yourself.
Flirting helps to loosen up again and put a smile on your face.
Am I incapable of relationship?
He can't decide - you can do it!
Somehow he wants to, but somehow he doesn't. It's an eternal back and forth in which you are the one who suffers. Let's be honest: You deserve to be carried around on your hands.
Follow these 3 steps:
- Make clear announcements
- Give time
- Set ultimatum
Make very clear announcements
We women often say things through our mouths. We don't want to hurt his feelings and hope that he understands what we're getting at. Forget that right now!
Most men don't understand that. They need very clear messages.
Don't be squeamish. Go ahead and bang your fist on the table. He doesn't want a relationship? Good, but then he should leave you alone.
Very often we fail at communication. That's why it's so important that you really talk everything out. That can clear up a lot of misunderstandings that we didn't even know existed.
Give him time
Yes, easier said than done. But that's the only thing you can do now. Give the man a chance to sort out his emotions. Especially now that you've told him in no uncertain terms what's okay and what's not.
It could be that he has just come out of a relationship where he was hurt. Or that he suffers from commitment anxiety. Perhaps he finds it difficult to open up.
Leave him alone. Let him figure out what he really wants. Don't run after him, you're not a puppy.
Give him an ultimatum
He doesn't want a relationship, keeps contacting you and no one knows more. Now that he knows what you want and gets time to think, you give him an ultimatum.
He is not to contact you until that day.
Now he knows that you won't wait for him forever. Tick tock - time is running. With or without him.
Signal to him that a time is valuable. Give him the impression that you do not always jump immediately when he just asks for it.
He says he has no feelings, but behaves differently
Dear men, you can be quite mysteries for us women. Often we just don't know what you want from us. If he says he doesn't want a relationship, but behaves completely differently - what are we supposed to make of that?
He says he's not looking for a relationship, but doesn't break off contact after all. Hmm. And us? We women just don't know each other anymore.
He is not looking for something serious, but for some unknown reason you are still interesting for him. With that, he makes you hopeful. Secretly, you still hope for a happy ending for you. Maybe he just wants you to fight for him.
And that is guaranteed to end bitterly for you.
He does not want a relationship, but contact
Three days ago you talked yourselves out of it. He doesn't want a relationship, he told you that.
But still, your phone is constantly vibrating. Even before you look at the display, you know: He's written to you. He's not in love, but he wants contact.
Men have a hunting instinct. They want to conquer, but not always for a relationship. So why does he keep getting in touch?
There are different reasons for this. One of them is sex. There are men who tell you directly. And others who play a game with you. These men hope that they can wrap emotionally damaged women around their fingers faster. It's pretty hurtful for us when he mentions afterwards that he doesn't want a relationship.
He says he does not want a relationship, then the probability is high that he also wants to have sex with other women. Or that he at least wants to keep this option open.
Yo, man. What do you want?
So what do we do with men like that, girls? He doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't want to break off contact either. Now it's up to us to show boundaries. We can't be fooled and we deserve better.
He does not know what he wants, but comes forward
Keep your hands off such men. With every message and every call, you get your hopes up. That stirs things up and ensures that your thoughts revolve around him.
In such a case, it is better from your side if you break off contact. He needs to clarify for himself what he really wants. If you are looking for a relationship and he is looking for fun, then this will hurt you very much. Hands off!
He does not want a relationship because of bad experiences
Well, there are men who actually have a lot of commitment anxiety. They may have just come out of a failed relationship or they simply don't want to lose their freedoms.
You should always be careful with men who have just broken up. It may be that he has not yet emotionally detached from his ex. Is he emotionally ready to enter into a relationship?
Everyone is afraid of being disappointed. And every new relationship is a potential new disappointment.
In principle, they would already go into a relationship, but they cannot stand closeness.
He says he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to be hurt that badly again. He therefore keeps you at a distance.
Do not try to treat him yourself. He must get this fear under control for himself. Otherwise he will hurt you even more emotionally.
He does not want a relationship because he can not decide
There are many people who simply can not decide. They have several irons in the fire right now and keep them all warm. You never know.
So you are one of many options. That's okay for him. But he quickly checks on the side whether there is something better.
If you were his favorite, he would go all out for you. But he doesn't.
Frequently asked questions and the solution
There are so many women every day and every year who are going through exactly the same thing as you. That's why there are so many questions about this topic. We have collected the most common ones for you here and the answers.
He only wants friendship - break off contact?
In the end, you have to decide for yourself. If you really have feelings, then your heart will break every time you see him. And at the latest when he meets another woman.
That is why most psychologists recommend breaking off contact if he only wants friendship. It is now important to sort out the feelings on both sides and to look at the situation with distance after 2 to 3 months. Maybe the right person will cross your path by then.
He has no head for a relationship
If he tells you that very clearly, then you know where you stand. His feelings are probably not enough. Because for a person you really love, you immediately drop everything.
Either job, friends or freedom come first. In any case, you have no chance of becoming his number 1.
He does not want anything solid
He does not, but you do? Then he just wants to have fun with you and will dump you as soon as he finds someone better. You are much too good to be a rebound guy to pass the time with. If you really want a relationship, then there is certainly a man out there who can offer you that.
He says it's not enough for a relationship
That's a pretty clear message to you. The good: You know where you stand. The bad: You will probably never become a couple. It's up to you now whether it's enough for you to keep in touch and be friends or not.
From experience I can say that this situation is very difficult. The heart must first come to terms with the rejection and heal. Maybe later you can be friends with each other, when you have found a partner who deserves your love.
To change directly from love feelings to friendship, that will not work 99 %. My recommendation: distance - as much as possible!
Getting to know phase - he does not want a relationship
Again, you can be glad that he told you that right away. Try to break off contact before you feel too much for him and develop deep feelings that are not reciprocated.
Our conclusion
You are in love and he does not want a relationship - accept that. Speak very clear words and do not let yourself be taken for a ride. Take some time and space away from him.
Listen to your gut feeling and break off the contact if it is not good for you! You can't force him to be happy. Don't hang your head, I'm sure the right one is already waiting for you. :)
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