You have heartbreak right now? Here you can learn how to get through the 7 heartbreak phases.
It has happened: Your relationship has come to an end. It's clear that this doesn't feel good. But how does heartbreak work?
Will you be able to overcome your heartbreak? We can already answer this question with a resounding yes.
To help you know what to expect, we explain the seven heartbreak stages.
They do not always run like in the textbook. But the phases can be recognized every time.
You'll learn in this post,
- Why all heartbreak phases begin with a premonition,
- what happens in phase two "The solidification",
- How we interact in the negotiation phase,
- Why admission and anger are important for the heartbreak stages,
- that it is followed by despair and longing,
- how it then comes to the slow departure and
- how you can start anew with full power.
With this knowledge, we want to help you overcome the separation.
Or maybe you want to help a good friend. Here, too, it is important to know about the stages of heartbreak.
We will show you how you feel in every single phase of your heartbreak. And what you can do in this situation to make you feel better.
Table of contents
Phase 1: The bad premonition
A breakup doesn't come out of the blue, even if it often feels that way.
Most of the time, this event announces itself. If you observe yourself and your partner, you realize that something is wrong.
However, people usually overlook the signs - nevertheless, the first of the heartbreak phases begins during the relationship.
Should I really break up? Find out here!
What happens in this heartbreak phase
Various things happen during this phase. Some couples become estranged from each other. The interest in joint ventures decreases.
Again and again, one of the two partners looks for excuses. Conversations also become less frequent. Phone calls are dealt with in a few seconds and you keep silent in front of the TV.
On the other hand, when you meet up with other people, you blossom - separately. The evening with your buddies is suddenly much more important than the romantic dinner on your anniversary.
However, you may suddenly find yourselves arguing more than usual. Every little thing can lead to a loud screaming match. Did he leave the toothpaste tube open again? You used to just screw the lid on. Today you get incredibly angry about it.
Plus, you'll probably keep imagining what you're missing out on because of him. Maybe you would have gotten ahead in your job without him? Wouldn't you have given up your hobby? Or would you be going out with a girlfriend right now instead of sitting in front of the TV and keeping him silent.
Even if that's not true, you can't stop thinking about things like that.
Maybe you're attracted to other men, too. The colleague who has been sitting across from you for a few years suddenly seems attractive. Maybe you even have erotic fantasies that relate to him. These are all signs that the first of the heartbreak phases has begun.
How you feel and what you can do
In the first of the heartbreak phases you will notice that something is wrong. However, you don't know what exactly that is.
That's why you should ask yourself these questions:
- What is wrong?
- What problems keep catching up with us?
- What's going on now?
This helps you understand that the relationship is at an end.
Phase 2: The solidification
Kaboom. The separation is there. Whether you're surprised or not, you feel paralyzed. The second of the heartbreak phases has begun.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
The second of the heartbreak phases is the most difficult for many.
They can't do anything anymore, they seem to be frozen.
The separation is just over. Actually, your new life should start now. But it doesn't.
The memories of the beautiful days are still too fresh. But suddenly the beloved partner is no longer by your side.
How to overcome your heartbreak
You sit alone in front of the TV, desperately reaching for the empty side of the bed.
You probably haven't even realized what happened recently: the end of the relationship has come.
The longer you two have been a couple, the longer this phase will last.
How you feel and what you can do
Your everyday life suddenly seems empty to you in this second of the heartbreak phases. Your brain knows that from now on everything is different.
However, the message has not quite reached your heart yet. Your thoughts are very dull.
But you keep going for the time being. Again and again you come to points where something is suddenly missing.
This can be, for example, if you can't unscrew the jam jar. In the past, there was someone who helped you in such a situation. But now that person is no longer there.
To realize what has happened, you should give yourself a little time off. Take a few days off and bury yourself at home. That way you have time to think - and make plans.
If you don't want to be alone, organize a girls' night out!
11 unique ideas for a girls night out
Phase 3: The negotiation
In the third of the heartbreak phases, your life forces become active again. In the meantime, you have realized that the end of the relationship has come. However, you do not want to resign yourself to it.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
You just can't accept the end of the relationship. Why should you? After all, you were a good team.
Surely it was a big mistake to give all that up. You are now making all kinds of concessions to your partner. He wants more freedom? Very well, let him have it.
After all, you two can have an open relationship. But if you think about it carefully, you know that this is not good. After all, it used to bother you when he went around the house with his boys.
But in the third of the heartbreak phases, your heart rules. You start to negotiate, you want him back at any price. Maybe you even propose an end to the relationship on trial.
Psychologists refer to these negotiations as rites of passage. After all, a new phase of life is beginning for you. It's a big step that you weren't really ready to take.
How you feel and what you can do
Emotionally, you are actually doing quite well in the third of the heartbreak phases. After all, you still have hope that everything will turn out well.
We don't want to take this hope away from you. But there were reasons for the separation. Make yourself aware once again of what those reasons were.
Before you enter into negotiations, you'd better sleep on it. Are you really ready to make such big concessions?
If the answer is no, you should stay away from him now.
It will not make either of you happy if you continue your relationship based on huge concessions. Even if this takes away your momentum - and you now continue to go through phases of separation.
Phase 4: Admission and anger
When you have put the plan with the negotiations on file, the fourth of the heartbreak phases begins. Slowly you feel your broken heart. The next few days will be hard for you.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
In the fourth of the heartbreak stages, you realized it was over. All negotiations have failed or were never conducted.
So you're single now. That makes you incredibly angry.
Maybe you're mad at yourself for screwing up. It's much more likely that you're mad at him.
How could he do this to you?
How could he have abandoned you?
You might also find a third person to be mad at. Possibly his new girlfriend.
In any case, your broken heart has now taken possession of you.
Sleepless, weepy nights await you. You can't seem to get anything done at work. You're looking for distraction - and that's a good thing.
For there is also tremendous creative power in lovesickness. Quite a few famous works of world literature were created in the fourth of the lovesickness phases.
How you feel and what you can do
You are probably very, very angry. Maybe you don't even know who or what. That's why the fourth phase of the separation is the most productive.
You need an outlet for your anger. You can't sleep anyway, and you don't get much done at work. So you look for a project - and take your anger out on it.
But please do not do anything destructive. No one has anything to gain from you beating up your facility.
Now is the time to do sports, for example. Really work up a sweat. You'll see, it's good for you. And you will also lose a few pounds - that will give you additional self-confidence. Let him see what a great woman he has left.
Phase 5: Despair, longing and melancholy
You have finally understood what has happened in the fifth of the heartbreak stages. Now you don't want to negotiate, nor are you angry with anyone.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
It's over, over and done with. You have now realized that. This realization makes you incredibly sad. Now suddenly the memories of the beautiful days come up - and you know that it will never be exactly like that again.
Surely you will now dig out old photos and look at them wistfully. The sorrow of love and your broken heart now rule your mind.
You still can't sleep and you're not good for anything at work either. But your anger project just won't distract you anymore. In fact, you don't even want to go out the door anymore - and you don't want to see anyone. You lie in bed a lot and shed even more tears.
How you feel and what you can do
You are sad, infinitely sad. Moreover, you feel powerless in this phase of separation.
That is perfectly normal. You can't overcome your heartbreak yet. Let it happen and cry. After all, a beautiful time in your life is over. Things will never be the same again. It is perfectly normal for you to grieve.
If you can, you should stay at home for a few days. But don't get completely bogged down there. I'm sure your friends will want to help you now. Allow them to help you.
It will do you good to talk to someone about the past time. Good friends will listen to all your stories now and grieve with you.
You may not feel it at this stage, but this attention is balm for your soul. It helps you not to sink completely into love's sorrow.
Phase 6: Slow departure
You now have the worst behind you and the sixth of the heartbreak phases begins: you make new plans, albeit very slowly.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
The sadness slowly falls away from you and you see light at the end of the tunnel. You realize that your life will go on.
But the idea doesn't quite fit you yet.
You still cling to old memories and want to hold on to habits. Nevertheless, you are gradually ready for something new.
For many women, this is expressed in a shopping spree. A new dress is not yet a new beginning, but something you can be happy about.
How you feel and what you can do
You feel alive again in the sixth of the heartbreak stages. You are neither angry nor despairing.
But you are not really happy yet. Nevertheless, you begin to take part in life again.
You're getting back to your old form at work and you can already laugh again with your friends. That's good.
But please do not overtax yourself yet. After all, you just got over a breakup. Take small steps and allow yourself something.
A shopping tour is not a bad idea. But don't make any rash decisions now.
It may be tempting to just start a new life - and maybe that's the right thing for you. But still give yourself time. Think carefully and discuss your plans with loved ones.
Phase 7: The new beginning
Overcome the heartbreak, you've done it now. You have left all six heartbreak phases behind you - and are ready for something new.
What happens in this heartbreak phase
You have had a hard time. You have been grieving and angry. That is over now.
You've realized that your relationship is over - and you hardly care anymore. Now it's time for something new. Some people are bursting with energy during this phase.
They find a new hobby or start to get involved in social causes.
Your boss will probably praise you a lot during this time. You seem to be succeeding at everything.
How you feel and what you can do
You feel detached and liberated. You have left your old relationship behind and are ready for new adventures.
Use this momentum and throw yourself back into life. Maybe you will finally succeed in finding the last digit of Pi. But you don't have to. It's perfectly OK to go back to your old life.
You are single now and have all the freedom in the world. You will see, your girlfriends are also happy to have you back.
However, if your circle of friends is made up of couples, you might want to find a hobby. Then you'll have something to do on the many couples' nights - and you won't fall back into one of the phases of lovesickness.
Our conclusion
Heartbreak is not a pretty thing, that much is clear. However, it is possible to overcome this phase. If you know the stages of the breakup, you'll know what to expect.
But please don't think that they always happen in the same way. How you feel always depends on your nature - and on how long your relationship has lasted. If you are wondering how long the phases last, we have to disappoint you: We don't know the answer.
That varies from person to person. But we are sure they will pass - sooner or later. All the best!
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