What you can do if you are affected by violence in your relationship or if you know someone, Elisabeth Oberthür, public relations officer of the Women's Shelter Coordination, reveals in this interview.
Every third woman in Germany is or has been affected by violence in a relationship.
This means that you too most certainly know at least one woman who has experienced or is currently experiencing domestic violence. Often it happens in silence.
Many women do not dare to talk about it, but it is so important to offer the topic a stage. We, as We Go Wild, would like to make a contribution to this.
This interview should help all women who are affected themselves or know someone who is in an abusive relationship.
I arrange to meet Elisabeth Oberthür, public relations officer for the Women's Shelter Coordination in Germany, for a Google meeting. It's a bit difficult at first. We can't get the sound and picture to work. And that's just as well.
Because the laptops and computers of the employees of the women's shelter are particularly well protected. After all, no perpetrator should have the opportunity to obtain any data.
In the end, fortunately, with some security precautions, we do succeed in the interview in another video chat program.
Table of contents
- What can domestic violence look like and what does it include?
- What about economic violence? Is that still an issue?
- When is it time to get help?
- Who can I contact?
- How did the situation develop during Corona?
- What should I not do under any circumstances if I am affected by violence?
- What can I do if someone in my circle is affected by domestic violence?
- Important information for affected persons and relatives
What can domestic violence look like and what does it include?
Elisabeth Oberthür: The term domestic violence is misleading. For it is not about violence in the home, but about Violence in the close environment. The perpetrator may be the victim's partner, ex-boyfriend, father or brother.
When you hear about violence, the first thing that comes to mind is the classic black eye or beating. But violence is so much more.
Most often it begins with psychological violence. This can be insults, that the woman is kept small or her perception is questioned.
A big problem is social violence. In the process, women become isolated from their environment.
The perpetrator is always about control. He controls when she had contact with whom, where she was, who she talks to on the phone and what she does.
Most often, all these forms of domestic violence play into each other. And only then it comes to physical assaults.
At this point, many women are psychologically broken and have little self-worth. It becomes increasingly difficult for them to extricate themselves from the situation. The forms of violence reinforce each other. In the worst case, such intimate partner violence can even result in femicide (note: killing of women because of their gender).
You have to keep this in mind: Every third day is used in Germany one woman From their partner or ex-partner killed. And every day there is an attempt to kill.
Most people don't realize that domestic violence is more than just a black eye. However, violence in a partnership begins where a relationship is characterized by control or power. Then, when someone becomes psychologically or physically abusive.
What about economic violence? Is that still an issue?
Economic violence is a factor that is greatly underestimated. Many women feel that they cannot separate from their violent partner because they are financially dependent are. Often there are also children involved, which makes the whole situation even more difficult.
Whenever the partner restricts or controls financial resources, we speak of economic violence. Suddenly, the woman no longer has access to her own or joint account or is not allowed to earn money herself. She gets money allocated by the partner and is thus in a strong dependency.
Through access to money, the partner controls what the woman can/may not do. Maintaining autonomy can therefore be a very important factor in relationships.
When is it time to get help?
That is difficult to answer. Every case is different. One question that comes up: When do people realize that what they are experiencing is violence?
The sooner one recognizes the signs oneself or one's environment, the sooner and easier it is to intervene. So if the spiral of violence is not yet so advanced.
For many, it also depends on how big the Dependency ratio is and whether Children are in play. Very many women are inhibited to end the relationship when they have children. Therefore, they stay longer with their violent partner.
Most women who come to the women's shelter are already experiencing longer physical and psychological violence. At least dissolve the relationship after the first excess.
Who can I contact?
This depends, among other things, on the violence one experiences and the support one receives from one's environment.
In cases of physical violence and whenever you feel threatened, you should call the police. The Police can expel the offender from the apartment.
Women often find it difficult to "hand over" their partner to the police. In such a case, there are many other options.
In general, I recommend contacting a counseling center. There is the nationwide help hotline, it is available around the clock and every day. If you can't or don't want to call, you can use the chat function. The help hotline is not only for those affected, but also for relatives.
So if I know a friend is experiencing violence but don't know how to handle it, I can get tips here.
Also in the Women's shelter can any woman seek shelterThe center offers shelter and counseling to victims of domestic violence, whether physical or psychological. Here, those affected find shelter and receive counseling. At www.fh-suche.de you can search for women's shelters throughout Germany and find the contact details.
How did the situation develop during Corona?
Police statistics show that there has been an increase in domestic violence. The counseling centers also report that demand has increased.
In the women's shelters themselves, it varies from region to region. Some women's shelters still have plenty of space - that's scary. After all, it shows that those seeking help are not arriving at the women's shelters and that many are still with their violent partners.
Many women are afraid to leave because the partner is at home. They can not pack their bags or make a phone call without being noticed.
Some are also afraid of a Corona infection in the women's shelter. To this I can only say: The women's shelters regularly carry out Corona tests and also enable vaccinations. They belong to the prioritized vaccination group 2.
What should I not do under any circumstances if I am affected by violence?
I find this question very dangerously worded. It expresses the idea that the victim must do something or should have done something differently. This puts the facts of the case in a false light.
We also don't ask anyone whose car was stolen why they parked it in that spot. But I understand what you mean by that.
Not getting help and not seeking help - that should be avoided by those affected. It is important to have the courage now to inform someone. It doesn't matter whether it's friends or a counseling center.
Staying alone with the problem is the biggest mistake.
What can I do if someone in my circle is affected by domestic violence?
First of all, I need to notice that something is wrong. The most common signs: Someone is withdrawing from social life. A good friend suddenly stops contacting you or you can no longer meet her. When you talk to her on the phone, she can't relax.
Whenever you have such Changes at Behavior perceives, one should intervene.
You should not wait until you see the first bruise or scratch. Violence starts much earlier.
As a friend, sister, acquaintance or mother, you should take heart and offer help. The question "Is everything okay?" can achieve so much.
Often, those affected do not let themselves be helped at first. They are under pressure and afraid. Here you have to be patient, because it is not possible to put yourself in this situation. As an outsider, you have to show something: "If you need help, I'm here for you."
If it gets noisy in the neighborhood again, you could ring the neighbor's doorbell and ask for a packet of flour. This often defuses the situation and lets the woman know that you hear her and are there for her.
But of course you have to be careful. If your partner is very aggressive, you can suddenly find yourself in the middle of it. In such a case, it's better to call the police.
I always say: better to call the police once too often than too little.
Above all, we must finally appeal to all those who commit violence. They must understand that this is not okay. If we know all those who are affected, we also know all those who commit violence.
Among friends, you can intervene and tell the offender that Violence not accepted will. Far too often, we only think of intervening on the side of the victims, but the perpetrators of violence must change their behavior.
Important information for affected persons and relatives
Germany
Women's shelters: www.fh-suche.de
Violence Against Women Help Line: www.hilfetelefon.de or 08000 116 016 Consultations are possible via chat, e-mail or telephone. The consultation takes place in 17 languages.
Austria
Women's shelters: www.aoef.at - Autonomous Austrian Women's Shelters
Counseling centers for women in case of violence
Violence Against Women Help Line: 0800 222 555
Switzerland
Women's shelters: www.frauenhaus-schweiz.de
Violence Against Women Help Line: 052 720 39 90
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