Being in a relationship with a depressed partner can be challenging. It requires empathy, patience and understanding. But it is also possible to have a healthy and happy relationship if you know how to deal with it!
Are you in a relationship with a depressed partner and wondering how to deal with it? Don't worry, you are not alone!
There are many couples who have to face this challenge together. But don't worry, there is hope and ways that you can go through this difficult time together.
Depression can put a lot of strain on a relationship, but that doesn't mean you can't be there for each other. There are many things you can do as a partner to help your loved one and strengthen your relationship.
But where do you start? Don't panic, we have some tips and tricks for you that will help you master your relationship with a depressed partner.
Table of contents
What is depression?
Simply put, depression is an illness that affects a person's mood, thoughts, and behavior. It can make you feel sad, hopeless, and tired, and prevent you from enjoying the things you normally like.
Sometimes it feels like you're trapped in a black hole that you can't get out of. That's usually not a good feeling.
But don't worry, depression can be treated and there are many people out there who can help.
How does depression affect a relationship?
If your partner is suffering from depression, it can be challenging for you as a partner. It can be difficult to deal with the emotional coldness and detachment that often lasts for a long period of time.
The hopelessness that spreads can also quickly gnaw away at your own faith in your relationship with depressed partners. You have to understand that your partner's illness is not intentional and is not an emotional rejection.
It is a consequence of affective disorder, which can also affect communication skills. Therefore, your partner may speak less or make less of an effort to show affection.
It's important that you don't take things personally here and don't let feelings of hopelessness or disappointment overwhelm you. It can be difficult to hold back your own disappointment or anger.
In such situations, it often makes little sense to confront your partner, as this can increase his feelings of guilt. Instead, it is important that you know your own limits and take care of your well-being.
It is okay to seek outside help, whether from a therapist or a counseling center. Depression is treatable and curable. If it is necessary, even a relationship be terminated.
In such cases, it is important that you do not act hastily and seek professional counseling. By taking care of yourself, you can also better help your partner. Remember that love, intimacy and closeness are important in a relationship.
When these things are missing due to your partner's illness, it is understandable that doubts may arise. However, it is important to understand that this is not intentional and there are ways to overcome these challenges together.
But don't worry, there are ways you can help your partner and maintain your relationship even if one of you is suffering from depression.
How do I know if my partner is depressed?
It can sometimes be difficult to spot the signs of depression in your partner, especially if they are trying to hide it. But there are some warning signs you can look for to determine if your partner may be suffering from depression.
A common symptom is mood swings and emotional instability, which can affect your relationship. Your partner may become withdrawn and less interested in activities they used to enjoy.
Other signs may include sleep disturbances, exhaustion, and loss of interest in sexuality. Your partner may also have physical complaints such as headaches or stomach problems.
It is important to be open and honest with your partner about this and encourage them to seek professional help if necessary.
If you think your partner is depressed, it is important that you show him support and understanding. Also, you should not forget that the relationship should not be determined by depression alone.
Try to create positive experiences together and focus on your strengths.
Not able vs. not willing
You've probably tried to motivate your partner to do certain activities before: whether it's setting leisure activities, doing chores, or looking for help. Most of the time you have probably met with unwillingness, sometimes it may even have been a real struggle.
It is easy to dismiss the behavior as "not wanting". But the "not wanting" is often a "not being able". But how can you imagine this?
It is difficult for many to understand why one "can't" go for a walk on a beautiful spring afternoon, for example. What or who prevents one from doing so? Doesn't everyone have free will and could do it if they wanted to?
Here it is easy to misunderstand. Depression is an illness and the depressed patient can hardly motivate himself to do anything. If your partner had a broken foot, it would be clear: walking causes pain and thus a walk together would not be possible.
Depression is similar, except that it is a mental condition. Difficulties with motivation, lack of energy and listlessness are symptoms of the illness. As a partner, you face the challenge of interpreting these correctly and recognizing when it really makes no sense to push the other person to do something.
How can I deal with my partner's depression?
A relationship with a depressed partner can be a tremendous burden, often playing out in recurring patterns. You know the problems and hope things will get better. But often a lot of time passes without noticeable improvements.
Over time, doubts may arise as to whether the other person's will is sufficient. Even if the situation has improved temporarily, there is often another relapse after a few months.
Understanding his depression
If your partner is suffering from depression, it can turn the relationship upside down. It is important to educate yourself about the disease to better understand and support your partner.
Depression can cause your partner to isolate and blame themselves. It can be difficult to share emotions and experience intimacy. All of this can be stressful for both parties and lead to frustration.
But there are ways you can help. You can contact a psychotherapist directly to learn more about the course of depression and develop realistic expectations.
The better you understand what your partner is going through, the better you can help them and avoid misunderstandings. Through your support, the relationship with depressed partner can be strengthened, even if there are difficult times.
You are not responsible
As the partner of a depressed person, it can be tempting to take responsibility for the person's well-being.
But this is a misconception, because ultimately no one is responsible for someone else's depression. Even if it is difficult, we should always remember that we do not have control over the feelings of others, nor over their mental health.
However, this does not mean that we should withdraw and leave our depressed partner alone. On the contrary, we should support them and be there for them, but at the same time respect our own limits and needs.
It is often helpful to seek professional help in order to better cope with the situation. We should realize that we are part of the support system, but not the only source of help.
It is important to understand that depression is not our partner's fault and it is not our fault either. We should free ourselves from feelings of guilt and the thought that we fail when our partner is unwell.
It's about walking through difficult times together and seeking help to provide the best support we can.
Finding your own role
It is important to understand that as a partner, you are not responsible for your loved one's depression.
Even though you would like to help, it is not your job to cure the disease. It is normal to lose yourself in the role of "caregiver" and this can put a strain on the partnership.
A clear distinction from therapeutic work can help maintain the relationship with depressed partners. You should not take on the role of therapist, but instead give your partner the support and love he or she needs.
Because if you support each other and are there for each other, you can get through difficult times together. It is important that treatment for depression is led by professional therapists and doctors to maintain a healthy relationship.
What can I do in a relationship with depressed partner?
Besides all the theoretical stuff, there are also practical ways you can support your depressed partner. Sometimes all it takes is a sympathetic ear and the willingness to take time to just listen.
It's important that you don't give advice in the process, but just be there.
Listen
You may have a strong desire to go through life again with your partner in a lighthearted and cheerful way. However, encouraging or cheering people up when they are depressed can be counterproductive.
This can increase feelings of isolation and give the impression of not being understood. Sometimes it is more important to simply listen and show compassion. For example, by saying, "I see that you've been withdrawing a lot lately - do you want to talk about it?" you can give your partner more energy than with direct advice.
Comforting words like "You are important to me" or "Together we can do it" can connect and give strength.
Remember your own limits and make sure that you don't give too much of yourself. It can be helpful to consciously plan these conversations and possibly limit the time.
No one expects you to always listen and be non-judgmental. It is important that you also take care of yourself and do not ignore your needs.
External help
If your partner is depressed, it may be that he or she is in a hopeless situation. In this situation, it is helpful if you take the initiative and offer your partner external help.
This could be therapy, support groups, or a suitable online therapy program. You may also be able to help your partner prepare calls to therapists by researching appropriate services and making calls together.
But be careful not to take everything away from your partner. It is important that he continues to master the important things in his life himself to strengthen a sense of control and self-worth.
Positive impulses Correct set
On a day-to-day basis, it may be helpful to help your partner structure his or her daily routine, accompany you to a psychotherapist, or remind you to take medication regularly.
It is important to make your partner aware that depression is a treatable illness and that it will pass. Emphasize that the distressing symptoms are part of the illness and not part of your loved one's personality.
Even small activities and pursuits that used to bring your partner joy can help rediscover that joy.
Although your partner may not become happy immediately at this moment, it can help to enjoy nice activities again step by step. This way you can strengthen and maintain your relationship with depressed partner.
Perceive own limits
It is important that you do not neglect your own needs and interests and that you also take time and space for yourself to rest and relax.
There may also be ways to support yourself, such as talking with friends or family members or getting support from a therapist.
A healthy balance between supporting your partner and your own needs is important to maintain a stable partnership in the long run.
Family and children
If children live in the same household, you must inform them about your parent's illness. Depending on how old the children are, you will have to go into more or less detail about the illness.
For younger children, it is sufficient to simply speak of a disease in general terms, for example: "Mom / Dad is not doing so well right now because she / he is sick. But the doctor will help so that she/he gets better soon."
When the children are older, you can calmly talk about the depression and make it clear that it is an illness. It's normal for people to get sick - just like it's normal for some people to have asthma or other illnesses.
It's not easy to explain what normal actually means. Sure, it's not normal to have a fever - but it is normal to occasionally have a cold and have to stay in bed. For you as a family member, this can be a difficult situation: You have to take over tasks, look after the children and worry about your sick partner.
On top of that, there are the everyday demands of life and work. It is quite normal to reach your limits and feel overwhelmed. Therefore, also pay attention to your own well-being and get help in time when everything becomes too much.
If you realize that you need support, think about the possibility of a support group or psychotherapy. Especially in the case of long-term depression, it is advisable to involve the family in the therapy.
If your loved one is already in treatment, talk to the doctor or therapist about your personal situation as well. Remember, however, that you should not discuss your loved one behind their back.
Our conclusion: Also pay attention to you!
It is important to say that depression is an illness that does not just go away and takes time to treat. The chances of recovery can also vary from person to person.
That is why it is important to be patient and to set out on the path together. In the process, progress, even small progress, should be consciously noticed and appreciated. It is also important that you do not feel alone.
There are many relatives of depressed people who have had similar experiences and can exchange ideas and support. A self-help group or professional counseling can be helpful here. Together, you can emerge from this challenge stronger as a couple.
But do not give up the relationship with depressed partner! For better or for worse.
We wish you all the best!
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