In a few hours, the year will be history. You still haven't made a good resolution? Never mind! These anti-New Year's resolutions are just right for you!
It's a tradition to grab a New Year's resolution in December and toss it overboard by mid-January at the latest.
That's why we're simply approaching this topic from a different angle this time. If you don't set your sights on something, you won't be able to implement it.
With these anti-New Year's resolutions, it's sure to work!
Table of contents
- #1 Just do not move
- #2 Snack as much as you can
- #3 Just don't listen to your body
- #4 Get distracted by social media
- #5 Smoke and drink alcohol
- #6 Take everything seriously
- #7 Just don't pick up the phone
- #8 Drink more coffee
- #9 Get it all done tomorrow - or someday
- #10 Treat yourself to everything right now
- #11 Just don't smile
- #12 Always drive by car
- #13 Eat meat every day
- #14 Do not give time
- #15 Learn nothing new
#1 Just do not move
The way from the TV to the refrigerator must be enough. And of course 2x a week to the supermarket. But since you still have enough leftovers from Christmas and New Year's Eve in the next few days, you can even save that. Wonderful!
#2 Snack as much as you can
Your dentist will be happy if you eat so much sweet stuff until you almost burst. After all, he'd like to go on vacation to the Maldives again soon. So it's definitely a social gesture if you quickly polish off the last bar of chocolate.
#3 Just don't listen to your body
He doesn't know what he wants and what is good for him. The better you ignore him, the better you will feel. And keep your hands off sports. You could strengthen your cardiovascular system. Who wants to do that?
#4 Get distracted by social media
Real life happens outside. But it's only cold, dark and windy there anyway. Why don't you spend half the day browsing Pinterest, Instagram and the like for recipes, fashion trends and watching others do sport?
#5 Smoke and drink alcohol
After all, you only live 1x. And steaming is not smoking, after all. Bring me the next bottle of champagne!
But beware: when the smoker's corner is bursting at the seams, the smoke burns your eyes, your hair smells of it, then the desire to become a non-smoker can become great. Don't be put off and quickly light up your next cigarette!
#6 Take everything seriously
Massage, yoga or meditation to relieve stress? Beware - this is a trap that mercilessly strikes and makes you relax. You don't want to do that, believe me!
Take everything, and especially small stuff, terribly seriously. If you don't, who else will? Go off the deep end regularly and let trivial things throw you off track quickly.
#7 Just don't pick up the phone
You never know when you might need that belly fat. Besides, it was hard work to get it to where it is today. Don't let anyone take that away from you. And don't listen to doctors and fitness trainers, they don't know what they're talking about.
By the way, crash diets work wonderfully, do not make you angry or obnoxious. You are not hungry and the yo-yo effect is guaranteed not to happen.
#8 Drink more coffee
You can never drink enough coffee. Palpitations? Just ignore it, it's sure to subside after the 10th cup.
#9 Get it all done tomorrow - or someday
As long as you don't need it today to survive, it can't be that important. So slow down. Tomorrow or the next day or a month from now is still soon enough. And maybe someone else will do it for you in the meantime.
#10 Treat yourself to everything right now
Spend all your money today. Who knows, tomorrow it might not be worth anything or you might get robbed. Then it's all gone too and you didn't have any fun. Saving is for beginners.
And: Environment? None of my business. Let the others take care of it. You can never have enough plastic and clothing. Finally store again what the stuff holds. If not today, then when?
#11 Just don't smile
If you thought you'd smile more often in the new year, don't! Because that's how you sweeten the day for others. You certainly don't want to do that, do you? It could even happen that they talk to you. Disaster!
It's best to be nice to absolutely no one. This only inevitably leads to conversations.
#12 Always drive by car
Who wants to walk or take the bike? The car is the best choice for all short distances. It doesn't harm the environment and you use almost no fuel on short trips.
#13 Eat meat every day
No one can forbid you to do that, right? The best 3-5 times a day sausage, chops, steak and a ham pizza.
The meat you buy best very cheap at the discount store, here, after all, no animals had to die for it. Farmers can be so cruel and actually slaughter animals for it.
And vegetables are only for beginners anyway. Who needs lettuce, zucchini and other greens?
#14 Do not give time
After a few minutes, people get on your nerves anyway. And they can't be that lonely. Save your time and spend it on Instagram with your real friends.
#15 Learn nothing new
Read a book or even learn something new? Better not! Languages, sports or instruments are the worst idea you can have. Don't try to get ahead in sports either, that would be a horror idea.
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